Sunday, December 14, 2008

Quick Rant

Do you ever have a conversation with someone and then you just can't get it out of your mind?
Not too long ago, I was having a conversation with someone, just kind of catching up and nothing too exciting. Children came up of course, and I mentioned that we would love to have another monster (I didn't say right now, I just meant we were not done procreating).

Her response was, " You know they don't get any easier when they are older."

And of course my response (as it always is) was, "I don't have children to make my life easier".

I've had these conversations before, they usually don't get to me. Adam and I are very confident in our decisions. We don't expect everyone to agree with our choices or support our decisions. We don't go into anything without prayer, a whole lot of it.

When it was time to have Preston, it was not a prayer. It was a statement. It was time to have another baby. I remember getting that impression loud and clear. I remember not wanting that "impression". My prayers changed. I told Heavenly Father that I knew what he was asking of me, but that I would like it if he told Adam this time. (I know It's a lot to be asking, but honestly I didn't want to bring up the conversation with Adam.)

Apparently my prayers were heard. A week later on the way to church, Adam told me that he thought that it was time to add on to our family. I smiled and told him that I already knew.

That's obviously a personal story to me. One I'm sure I will tell my children someday, I only share it to make my point. I don't wake up one morning, check the weather and say "Hey, looks like a good day to make a baby!". At some point in the future we would like to have another baby. Not because 5 is my lucky number, or because we've always wanted an odd number of children so that we can have a definite middle child. It's what's right for my family. Just like one is right for some families and 2 is a great number for others. If I felt "done" at 4, I wouldn't be ranting right now.

So here are some "Guidelines" to know when you are being rude. (In case you didn't realize it)

  • Don't assume someone wants another baby, just because they already had one.
  • Don't assume someone can just "get pregnant" just because they've done it before.

  • Don't assume that someone is done just because they have more children then you would like to have.
  • Don't assume that someone wants more just because they don't have as many as you have.
  • Don't assume someone cares what your opinion is at all. And here are some pictures of my monsters, just because I love them. What better way to end a blog entry!

13 comments:

K2 said...

I think you should add: Do not ask people who don't have kids why they don't have kids or when they will have kids. Not everyone can get pregnant by standing in the same room as their husband. AMEN SISTA!

Gram said...

My response is they get better and better - I think the early years are the hardest!

Amy R said...

Yeah, who are these people whose moms never taught them to mind their own business?

Sam Ransom said...

GO PROCREATION!!! hehehe Just kidding. I agree that assumptions usually, well almost always, well really always get you into trouble!!! I think that people should just support the idea that what works for your family is best for your family. And that what works for someone else is best for their family. And not confuse the two!

Nonnie said...

I love you,thank you for sharing your feelings in such a caring way. I think you have a lot of heart.Pretty soon it will be a 28 year old heart.Pretty soon you will be married for 8 years.You make me proud,thank you for being MY middle child,even though I only have 4 .Most of all thank you for blessing my life.

Heidi said...

I SO totally agree. You have no idea--well, maybe you do--how invasive people can be about this! I mean, when I was the size of a house while expecting the twins you'd have thought I had a billboard plastered to my behind requesting that people do, please, inquire about this poor woman's personal life.

The Wehrmeister's said...

Heidi, At least you WERE pregnant with twins. When I was pregnant with Kelly, I had a women come up and ask me if I was having twins. I told her no.

A minute later she came back and asked "Are you sure??"

Who does that? Really! Come on people!

emily and adrian said...

According to Ms. Manners, people should not ever ask about your family planning...but I'm guilty. However, I can't imagine taking the next step like your anonymous person did....tisk tisk.
When I tell people that I might be done at 2, I get the, "oh because you have a boy and a girl!" Yes, that's it...and as soon as we put up our little white pickett fence, life will be complete...just as I planned it to be. Good grief!
Go make a baby Jen!!!! And blog about how often you are trying so I don't have to ask!

Jennifer said...

Crap, have a dozen if you want to. I get flack about my THREE for crying out loud.

The Pagets in Florida said...

It is always a little strange when people find out that I am married and have a kid and that I am still in Graduate School. It is funniest coming from those currently in my department. Then they find out that we have 2. Now they are finding out that we will have 3. It is really funny to me to watch them not have anything to say.

I do have the fortune of working with a professor who has like 12 (about half adopted.) No one says anything because of the community I live in. When people ask us how many kids we are going to have, I sometimes say, Well I want 4 and Kathrine wants 7 so that makes 11. They normally laugh and realize to themselves how slightly inappropriate the comment had been. I suggest Elder Worthlin's talk from the last general conference. Learn to Laugh.

Brandi Hastings said...

I second that Jen! By the way, I love the picture of Tommy and Adam working on the car together! That is picture perfect! lol

Kara said...

I loved the post and all the comments! I've gotten lots of slack with each child and to top it off most of the time people think I'm 12 which makes their comments more obnoxious.
I have to laugh, cause I am happier than most people I know who have advanced double degrees who work 60 hours a week and I have one or two children (and are giving me flack for my choice in the number of children I have) - and I'm actually still happily married. Go figure!

Rebecca said...

First, happy birthday yesterday. I hope you had a nice birthday. I won't get started on my rant about birth/pregnancy/kids. It pretty much falls in line with how you feel and other comments made. Like your other friend we get the comment (after saying we might be done with 2) about it being because we have a boy and a girl. That really bugs me. Like the only perfect family has one of each and no more. Anyway, if it cheers you up any, I was driving home today, obeying the 20mph speed limit in our complex and when I parked the car that had been tailing me honked and gave me the gesture we all know. A lot of people are just rude in many aspects of life. Pregnancy/babies/birth just seems to be where people really shine at it.