I remember when he left the hotel for his conference and I decided to take Kelly and Paige to the indoor pool by myself... I was so bad at it. I had a 5 month old and a 2 year old and I was trying to carry everything and get shoes on Kelly, keep Paige from crying, make sure I had the hotel key, keep ME from crying. I'm sure you get the picture. I was a wreck. I realized this wouldn't be restful, or relaxing or fun (for me).
Once we actually got to the pool it only got worse. Kelly didn't want to get her face wet, Paige wanted to drink the pool, I wanted to hide my tears in the pool, I had to take my glasses off and I couldn't see a thing. It lasted for what seemed for ever, but was probably only 30 minutes.
Then taking 2 wet cranky girls back up through the lobby to get to our room, was even worse than getting down there. I remember thinking "How does any mother go anywhere?"
Jump forward 4 years to Tuesday June 10th, 2008:
I took 4 children to a wading pool and fountain and had a picnic lunch (with friends). I went Solo. I had no husband with me. I did it and not only did I "survive" I succeeded. I enjoyed myself, my 4 children had a great time, there were no major outbursts, and no heart attacks on my part. I was a ROCKSTAR!! (I'm kidding of course)
But honestly, I remember sitting by the pool with Preston, thinking "Look how far I've come." It's not often I get to reflect on my growth in the midst of a challenge.
What's funny is ever since this past Tuesday, I've been thinking about my growth over the past few years. I've come a long way.
- I remember when I just had Kelly and I would get so stressed I would call Adam while he was at School and tell him that I quit, that it was his turn to stay with Kelly and that I would go do his Chemical Engineering classes.
- I remember moving into our house when I was 9 months pregnant with Paige and having a nervous breakdown, because we couldn't fit our basement couch in the basement, so the MEN decided that my livingroom should be in the basement.
- I think back to all my trips to STL alone. The stopping at rest-stops to nurse Tommy and then running into the bathroom with 3 children attatched. Throwing snacks to the back of the mini-van so that I wouldn't have to stop the car.
- Moving away from my support system when my 3rd monster was just one month old. I had no clue how anyone managed without a family as supportive as mine.
- Surviving Adam's first 2 years of Dental School. He would leave soo early in the morning and Saturdays were dedicated to his studies.
Now I know that I have a lonnnng way to go, but I don't think "we" focus enough on our growth and strengths enough. I think "we" are far to eager to find our shortcomings and flaws.
I know that on that day back in March 2004 I thought I was the most fumbling, unimpressive mom out there.
I now know that while I'm no Mary Poppins, Super Nanny or Ronnie Autry, I'm not half bad and I'm all they've got so I better not let them down.